Adopted Children and Their Challenges – An Interview with Kathy

 

 

Adopted Children and Their Challenges - An Interview with Kathy - Anchor Of Promise

 

Today we are going to meet Kathy.  She shares her story about the challenges that came in her life through adoption.  Maybe you will find your story within hers.  May you also find hope and encouragement too.  

 

Adoption has been a true dear to the heart passion for you and your husband.  You have adopted four times domestically and internationally.  What were the ages of your children when you adopted them?  

Our first son was a  domestic adoption and he was 3 days old, next daughter was International adoption and she was 23 months, then another international adoption and he was 16 months, our youngest daughter we adopted as a domestic adoption at 9years, 11 months old.

Certain adoptions pose different challenges such as age range, living in an orphanage or foster home and even second chance adoptions.  What challenges were you faced with? 

I think all of my children have had many challenges and still continue into adulthood. My daughter adopted from Ukraine was institutionalized from birth. She was diagnosed with emotional deprivation. She was unable to give or receive affection for her first year, and her emotions were always guarded, and she continues to struggle to this day. She has struggled with making deep, lasting, trusting relationships. My boys both had issues related to delays in learning. There is no way to know if there was a direct correlation to their adoptions but I imagine so. Our daughter who was adopted at 9years 11 months, as an interrupted adoption, we were the second family that had adopted her since she was brought to America from Russia when she was 5 years old. Her primary diagnosis was attachment disorder. She was put in a Russian  orphanage at age 4, adopted and brought to America at age 5, was treated for attachment disorder, and the family felt as though they were no longer able to handle the challenges of keeping her in their home. They had a list of issues that they claimed were were so severe that they had made a decision to have her institutionalized in the state the family was living. We intervened and adopted her. We have had many challenges in parenting her. I could write a book with her challenges alone. I think another challenge for adoptive children that is greater than for biological children is the question of identity-Who am

Adoptive children typically don’t look like anyone else in the family – it becomes obvious to them at a young age that  they don’t fit like biological children. My older son had a lot of interest in knowing things about his biological parents. Sometimes information about an adoptive child’s biological parents leaves them feeling disappointed as often the parents have lived a less than praiseworthy life, which was the case in 3 out of my 4 children. With my kids we tried to steer them to God. Their essential identity is found in what God says about them. Point them to Christ. Continue reading

Single Moms with Teens in Crisis – Meet Lynn

 

Single Moms of Teens in Crisis - Meet Lynn - Anchor Of Promise

When we think of “parents with a teen in crisis” we immediately come to the conclusion that mom and dad are involved.  However, there are also thousands of single moms and dads who struggle as parents too.  One such parent is my friend Lynn.  I asked her to share with me some of the difficulties she has endured as a single parent with a teen in crisis. We pray that you will find encouragement through Lynn’s story and that you are not alone in your single parenting journey.

Were you a stay at home mom or working mom when you noticed your daughter’s issues? I am a working mom who works from home and also cared for my mother who had health issues. Both of my daughters now are ages 21 and 23.

Each parent with a child in crisis has a story.  Can you give me a little background of how you became aware that your children were dealing with a serious issue?   While my oldest has had anger and insecurity issues due to a divorce, it is my youngest that has been most concerning.  In her senior year of high school her grades began to drop, she spoke of hating school and had friendships end.  I later came to find out that she was sexually assaulted by a football player who trapped her in his car.  She told no one.  To cope, she began experimenting with drugs.  She chose to attend a city college (which was a good move) but in her second year, I began to see her breakdown emotionally little by little.   At the end of the year, she broke up with her boyfriend of 2 years, told me she was bi-sexual and began living a wild lifestyle.    She went skydiving, had her septum pierced, began losing weight rapidly, out at very late hours of the night, and clearly came home wasted.  My daughters and I are very close, are able to have transparent conversation and purpose time together.  So, not only was I trying to deal with her behavior, she shut me out of her life; I was a roommate of insignificance.  When school started again in the fall, she was having difficulty focusing, and tried working two jobs.  In January, she confessed she felt there was something mentally wrong with her as she began pulling out her hair and cutting herself.   She agreed to go into counseling which lead to a psychiatric diagnosis of bi-polar.  She is on medication and continues seeing her counselor which is helping her work through some core issues. Continue reading

Do You Know the Drug of Choice Among Teens Today?

Do You Know the Drug Choice Among Teens Today - Anchor Of Promise

 

Each year, month, and even week, a new drug is on the streets or should I say in the hands of teens.  With the passing of laws to allow marijuana in the states, it has only fueled other drugs to become more prevalent among our teens.

With interest, I googled the current drug trends among our teens and realized that I had been out of the loop in educating myself and I’m sure other parents too.

The Partnership For Drug-Free Kids –  Drug Trends of Today Among Teens , educates you about these new drugs and how to be ahead of the game in combatting them.  Our worst fears years ago – marijuana.  Although today it is considered a mild form of drug use compared to the hard core drugs such as cocaine, meth or the high rise of opioid use today, it is a drug nonetheless and dangerous (even moreso when laced, used with alcohol, and mixed with other drugs).  Since the passage of the usage of marijuana, there have been record numbers of overdoses among hospitals.

Are you really prepared as a parent to know what to look for when it comes to drugs and your teen?  If you already have a child in crisis with an addiction, it is even more imperative to be connected with a support group, counselor or rehab.  They can teach you what to look for and how to battle it. Christian Rehabs

There are also great resources and tools that can be found on the internet, through friends, support groups, counselors, and even the Church.  TEEN CHALLENGE continues to have a high rate of successful stories within their program for many teens to young adults.

To look at things with our own eyes instead of God’s, it is easy to feel defeated with this battle against drugs.  All we see and know are the vast army of drug lords, addicts, and drug pimps who look to steal, kill, and destroy.  John 10:10 – The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.  Our God is strong and mighty and He will do all of the fighting for us.  It is HIS battle.  We just need to be steadfast on our part by being educated, not enabling, showing tough love, and spending time on our knees in prayer.

This is what the LORD says to you:

“Do not be afraid or discouraged because of this vast army.

For the battle is not yours, but God’s.”

2 Chronicles 20:15

 

 

 

Photography Credit goes to Jens Johnsson from Unsplash

Father’s Day Letter From a Hurting Teen

Father's Day Letter From a Hurting Teen - Anchor Of Promise

 

Keep praying Dads!  Your teen or young adult will one day come back and thank you too for never giving up on them.  This dad knows it.  There is HOPE!  Keep your faith in God as you continue to lift up your child to Him.  And thank you to this Dad for sharing this letter with Anchor Of Promise.  Happy Father’s Day!

The Silent Epidemic in Our Teens

The Silent Epidemic in Our Teens - Anchor Of Promise

There is a silent epidemic happening in our country of young teens, most specifically male youths.  I call it silent because you don’t always see it. It is often hidden from others. In fact, it hides behind a facade that everything is okay, when in reality, something is brewing.

Here are some prime examples of this silent epidemic.

17-year-old Dimitrios Pagourtzis killed 10 people in Santa Fe High School – he was supposedly bullied and rejected by a girl that he liked.  Noted as being quiet and to himself. 

https://www.nytimes.com/2018/05/18/us/dimitrios-pagourtzis-gunman-texas-shooting.html

Nikolas Cruz slaughtered at least 17 students at the Marjory Stoneman Douglas HS – a loner, supposedly had impulse issues, was bullied, had major losses in his life with the death of his parents.

https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/nation-now/2018/02/15/florida-shooting-what-we-know-attack-parkland-high-school/340110002/

A 15-year-old teen with the help of two friends, strangled and stabbed his mother to death in Maine because they moved.

http://www.foxnews.com/us/2018/04/24/out-control-teen-son-and-friends-strangled-stabbed-mom-over-move-to-maine-cops-say.html

16 year-old beats friend to death with baseball bat over jealousy of a girl he liked.

https://www.yahoo.com/gma/florida-16-old-allegedly-beats-friend-death-baseball-153404802–abc-news-topstories.html   

This silent epidemic is called Anger.  It’s an emotion that is in each and every one of us.  This includes growth spurting hormonal teenagers. Most teens express their anger through yelling, slamming doors, running off, or finding a place to be alone for hours.  Those types of responses are expected. However, for some teens, their anger differs. Their anger lingers and builds quietly, layer upon layer, with no filters or boundaries in place.   It lays dormant inside until an event triggers a volcanic eruption of violence that knows no limits. Continue reading