For the past 5 years our daughter’s relationship with her father was a strained one. Having been left behind in an orphanage at 27 months of age without being able to speak or walk, the toll on her emotions and attachment towards others, especially her father, was not what we expected.
We really noticed the changes when comments were made of how he wasn’t her “real” father and that she wouldn’t accept him as her “real” father until she met her birth father in another country. Only then would she make the decision as to whether or not to carry on a relationship with her adoptive and only father that she has ever known.
Now my husband is not one to give up when it comes to loving his children. He prays for them, helps them, and is there to rescue them in their time of need. He was never forceful in reprimands nor with his love. He made the scripture in I Cor. 13:4-8 (NIV) his outlook on life.
“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy,
it does not boast, it is not proud.
It is not rude, it is not self-seeking,
it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.
Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.
It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
Love never fails.”
My daughter of course, as stubborn as she was, would let others know how he wasn’t her dad. But in time and with costly mistakes on her part, she began to understand what fatherly love was all about.
There are many young girls in the world who have had fathers walk out on them, beat them, abuse them, and for some, die on them. Each one suffering a loss or hurt that hasn’t been healed. So they look to others (such as men) to fulfill those needs inside of them. Wanting to be loved was the first thing on their mind and heart, even if it cost them a dear price.
Prostitution, pregnancy, and self-destruction are ways that some girls fill that void that they have been carrying for a long, long time. Even if they followed all those paths and you asked them if their hearts have been filled, they would most likely tell you no. The reason why is because you can’t fill a hurt with more hurt.
Changes started taking place after our daughter started reading scripture after scripture about another father; a Heavenly Father that pours out His love to His daughter in a way that an earthly father can’t. When she started to see the acceptance and characteristics of this Heavenly Father, she began to see them also in her adoptive father. In time, she began to realize that he was her “real” father. She does hope to meet her birth father one day, but she will continue to build the new relationship that has blossomed with her dad that she has lived with for the last 13 years.
Psalm 103:13 As a father shows compassion to his children, so the Lord shows compassion to those who fear him. (NAS)
Yesterday, my daughter carried a very proud face on her and began to tell me about her recent outing with her dad at the mall. She shared how they were laughing and joking around and having fun walking throughout the mall when she noticed that others were staring. At that moment, she knew in her heart why they were staring. They were seeing a father and daughter‘s close bond with each other which is rare these days. Then to top it off, the lady at the make-up counter said, “It is so nice to see a father and a daughter be so close and having so much fun.” That made my daughter very proud of herself and being with her daddy.
Colossians 3:14 And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony. (ESV)
The raw song below touched my heart deeply because it speaks of the damage of a fatherless child and yet the healing of the Heavenly Father, even through our mistakes and the wrong paths we take. He still calls you “His Daughter”.