Today, many parents rather be prideful, choose denial or keep secrets than consider first the welfare of their teens. I’m not talking about those who would normally feel embarrassed or feel shame about their family’s situation or too scared to talk about it. But I am talking about those who had been offered help from different sources and yet refuse to obtain and listen to that help.
Most notably, by looking at the case of the Sandy Cove shooter whose own mother “chose” not to confront the issues at hand, but instead accommodated those issues. And because of how it was handled, years later the most horrific shooting occurred. This is not just my opinion but by reports of those who are in the medical/psychological field along with documentation from many witnesses that were close to the family.
What I have been hearing and seeing lately is how many parents have similar stories (maybe not as severe) and are following the same footsteps as that mother who in the end paid the final penalty when the son shot her to death. There were no winners in that situation, only losses, too many losses.
Several years ago, I met a family who has a son. They were the parents of many children, but this one particular child was the youngest and also the most rebellious and hurting. After having some get-togethers and a lot of observations, a discussion came up in which I was able to voice some of my concerns that were very valid.
The parents agreed with everything I shared. They also agreed with the offering of a counselor for their son. They appreciated it, but first they wanted to reach out to another counselor who was a friend. I had no qualms with that as long as they were getting help and it didn’t cause a problem with the son. But as time went on, the young man got worse and the only help offered through this family friend counselor were phone calls to the boy as his counseling. This was not appropriate or helpful to the son.
So, again I reached out to the parents and said that their son needed someone that could be a mediator for the family and could effectively counsel all of them without taking sides. So with assurance, they took my information and planned to call that week to get the therapist they needed. Because of the father’s line of work, they would get free counseling which so often is a financial burden for many.
Weeks went by. Months went by. Correspondence was always the same in that they got busy but hadn’t dropped the ball of making an appointment with the counselor. Messages became less and less and before I knew it, I didn’t hear from them anymore. In fact, what I did hear was that their son was out of control even more than before.
Thinking on this, what kind of reason was behind the decision of these parents to not follow through in getting help?
Pride? Cultural issues? Shame? Embarrassment? Denial? You can name any or all of these. But what it comes down to is that they knew the problems their son was having and CHOSE to do nothing about it. Who is accountable for the end result? Who is looking out for the welfare of this young man? The parents say they love him immensely but their actions spoke otherwise.
It is no different when a child is ready to put his hand on the stove burner. Would you sit back and be prideful, in denial, and do nothing? Or would you do something about it? Both that son and this child would be in great danger.
In the end, there is no difference in what the excuses are. You have a chance to rescue your family, your teen. Why wait it out? Whether or not you fall under any of those excuses (such as shame, denial, embarrassment), it still is a pride issue. I know this because I was one of those parents who didn’t like to share my family problems. Only when I stopped being prideful did my teen change and change for the better.
So make the right decision. Break the chain of PRIDE today! It just might save your teen’s life.
Pride goes before destruction and haughtiness bore a fall. Proverbs 16:18
But He gives a greater grace. Therefore it says, “GOD IS OPPOSED TO THE PROUD, BUT GIVES GRACE TO THE HUMBLE.” James 4:6