Have you ever thought for a random second or two that there is something really wrong with your child? Did a horrendous thought pop in your head about your child doing something that is beyond your scope to imagine? Maybe it was a word spoken, an action taken, a response you were not expecting.
Maybe your son or daughter made a comment about how much they hated the world and wanted to rid them. Maybe it was a slammed door that reverberated throughout the house by a trigger that set them off in anger and violence. How about the moment in which you see markings on your child from self-harm or written words on their body that made you wonder what they have gotten themselves into now.
Thoughts of failure come to our being as we question how bad our child’s problems have gotten. Did I encourage that inner monster by not parenting the right way or enabled a behavior that I thought they would grow out of? Did I drive my kid to drink or do drugs because I didn’t love them enough? Did I push them to be a certain way when they were not happy? Was I too controlling or never tried to understand the deep pain and hurt they were feeling?
No, we are not failures. We make mistakes and do not always use the best wisdom. The spirit of torment which I call it is always lurking over our broken child to encourage them to a deeper level of crisis.
We never want to think that there is a monster inside of our child. However, for some moms, those fears are real. Let us not look at our child as the “Monster” but instead at the manifestations that appear like a monster within. Here’s a list that I have seen throughout my years as a parent and hearing from other parents with similar struggles as well.
The MONSTER of:
Porn and Sexual Addiction
Extreme Anger and Violent Issues
Drug and Alcohol Abuse
Various Mental Illnesses
Control and Abusive behaviors
These are just a few monsters that lurk in our children’s minds. This does not even include those with anxiety, PTSD, Subculture identities, Personality disorders, Hyperactivity, and Compulsive behaviors. Each issue carries its own complexities. Talking with other parents, there are sometimes multiple issues at once. This was true of my own daughter.
My daughter daily grappled with a plethora of troubles. Not knowing when the monster within would break out, I needed to observe her moods and actions to distinguish where it was coming from.
Monsters look for ways to be unleashed. Does it come through an argument? Is it triggered by a voice, a word, a memory, encouraged by social media, or even a thought? Sometimes, the only survival for a parent is to pretend the monster isn’t there. One day the monster is hidden. The next day it is out in full force. No matter how it comes out, you just want it to go away and never come back.
Our child is not a monster. They are just the vessel in which the core symptoms and actions that look monstrous, permeate in their lives. If you take away those things from the core, you will see a different child in front of you. Many of these children (teens through young adults) are scared, feel hopeless, lost, confused, manipulated by others, have distorted views or deal with illnesses, follow ideologies, and sub-cultures, and of course, still are unsure of who they are.
How are we to rid the monster and not our child? God gives us answers through His Word. He also prepares places for us to go to get the help we need for our child. Here are just a few ways that He can lead you.
- He shows us parent support groups
- He guides us to information on facilities, special housing, special programs, and more
- He provides mentors, therapies, and counselors
- He presents to us new medical breakthroughs for mental challenges
- He gives us tools on how to manage our child when they are in crisis until they get the aid they need from a professional
- He opens doors of opportunity to meet specialists in the field and other parents who have traveled this journey already
- He shepherds us with instruction through the Word of God
- He showers us with peace when we give our child to Him
- He steers us to new ideas and encouragement through various resources
- He meets us when we pray and seek His wisdom in all things
One of the BEST ways to pray for your child is by using the scriptures. “Well, how do I do that,” you may ask? Here’s an example:
For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind. – 2 Timothy 1:7 [KJV]
Now use it as a prayer for your child, inserting their name.
Dear Lord God, I pray that you would take away the fear within ______________(insert child’s name), and replace that fear with Your strength, Your love, and a sound mind so that they can think clearly and get the healing that they so desperately need for their illness (you can name the illness/disorder/problem), in Your Name. Amen!
Start with a prayer journal and add one scripture each day for your prayers. By the end of the week, you will have seven prayers to pray over your child. Then start over with new scriptures at the beginning of the following week. This will not only help your prayer time, but it will also build up your faith, bring joy to your heart during times of heaviness, and bring a new intimacy with God in your journey.
Commit your child to God and let Him remove the monsters within! Nothing is too difficult for God!
Special Thank you to Feedspot for giving me the honor of being on their Top 75 Christian Mom Blogs to Follow in 2020