Who Am I and Where Do I Belong? An Identity Crisis!

Who Am I and Where Do I Belong - An Identity Crisis! - Anchor Of Promise

Walking down the corridors of the mall on a Friday night felt more like skipping a few seasons and landing on Halloween.
All around me were teens dressed in Scene, Punk, Emo and Goth. Now most parents know what Punk and Goth are, but very few understand the world of Scene and Emo.

Years ago, my daughter was traveling through the self-identity maze in which she conjured up all types of styles and looks that definitely sent me to the cyber world typing in HELP! Teens with an Identity Crisis – STAT! All I knew was that there was a fast metamorphosis taking place in front of me and I needed to take action.

However, my daughter was able to keep me up to speed and explain quite a bit about why our teens were turning to these emotional based lifestyles and wardrobes, including herself.

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Bleaching Her Skin to Fit In

Bleaching Her Skin to Fit In - Anchor Of Promise

 

The airbrush machine was running and the pigments filled in the cup. Slowly and methodically, the gun of the airbrush went up and down her arm showing the new skin color she so desperately wanted.

When she finished with disappointment again over her latest experiment, she went back to the cyber world and researched her next idea rolling around in her mind – How to bleach your skin.

Many nights I would hear her cry in her room. In her desperation and keeping secret from me, she would cut her arms to see if there was another color under her skin. Continue reading

Do you shave your legs?

Do You Shave Your Legs - Anchor Of Promise

“Do you shave your legs?” he asked. “No.” she replied. “Then you need to because you’re looking like a hairy monkey!” he responded.

That one comment started her journey into negative body imaging and low self-esteem for the next 5 years. She was only 10 when that comment was made. Little did she know that these words would change her perception of how she saw herself in a dramatic way.

Words like this have a lot of power in a young girl’s life. It wouldn’t matter if the male figure was 12, 15 or 20. A young girl bases her whole body on how the opposite sex views her if she doesn’t have enough self-esteem and self-respect for herself.

One moment. One comment. That’s all it took. Continue reading

I’m An Original

The "Original"

The “Original”

I remember back in school when the teacher asked all the students, “Do you know where you came from?” and would then begin her long study on people origins. This research included your biography and asking questions of your grandparents, parents, and other relatives which culminated into a full report to share with the class.

Now that sounds interesting and fun, especially to a kid who thinks, “Could I be related to a King or Queen or some rock/pop star in my generation?” but it could also lead to a major identity crisis for a teen who doesn’t know their origins.

Such was the case for my one daughter who is adopted. For her, wanting to know her identity became her priority and it nagged at her every moment of the day. She felt like she couldn’t live life normally without knowing where she came from. Not knowing your origins for some leaves a huge void in their life and at times feelings of abandonment and rejection. Continue reading

3D and Popcorn

 3dpopcornpic

Sounds good to have these things for a movie, but in actuality, they are not the topic of this story.  3D and Popcorn are my two cats.  Both abandoned, one outside found by my dog Dakota at 4 weeks of age, and the other uncared for by a hoarder.

I likened them to teens and part of the family.  Both abandoned and rejected by their parents.  Some of their siblings were accepted while they were left to fend for themselves.  Popcorn whom we received at 4 weeks of age was so hungry.  Like a teenager, they are hungry too, but for love.  Popcorn practically fell over by all the sniffing her new big brothers (our two dogs) were giving her and that was their way of accepting her.  As parents and siblings, we often show love by affection but some teens are not always ready to accept that affection.  Although we loved and adored and played with Popcorn, her personality is distant and only comes to you in her time of need.  Some teens have a beginning that has been founded by abandonment and rejection and they find it very difficult to respond in the same manner we give.  Sometimes that attachment is broken and they don’t have a comprehension of why they feel that way or even how to respond in a normal way that most people do.  It is foreign and uncomfortable to them. Continue reading