Adopted Children and Their Challenges – An Interview with Kathy

 

 

Adopted Children and Their Challenges - An Interview with Kathy - Anchor Of Promise

 

Today we are going to meet Kathy.  She shares her story about the challenges that came in her life through adoption.  Maybe you will find your story within hers.  May you also find hope and encouragement too.  

 

Adoption has been a true dear to the heart passion for you and your husband.  You have adopted four times domestically and internationally.  What were the ages of your children when you adopted them?  

Our first son was a  domestic adoption and he was 3 days old, next daughter was International adoption and she was 23 months, then another international adoption and he was 16 months, our youngest daughter we adopted as a domestic adoption at 9years, 11 months old.

Certain adoptions pose different challenges such as age range, living in an orphanage or foster home and even second chance adoptions.  What challenges were you faced with? 

I think all of my children have had many challenges and still continue into adulthood. My daughter adopted from Ukraine was institutionalized from birth. She was diagnosed with emotional deprivation. She was unable to give or receive affection for her first year, and her emotions were always guarded, and she continues to struggle to this day. She has struggled with making deep, lasting, trusting relationships. My boys both had issues related to delays in learning. There is no way to know if there was a direct correlation to their adoptions but I imagine so. Our daughter who was adopted at 9years 11 months, as an interrupted adoption, we were the second family that had adopted her since she was brought to America from Russia when she was 5 years old. Her primary diagnosis was attachment disorder. She was put in a Russian  orphanage at age 4, adopted and brought to America at age 5, was treated for attachment disorder, and the family felt as though they were no longer able to handle the challenges of keeping her in their home. They had a list of issues that they claimed were were so severe that they had made a decision to have her institutionalized in the state the family was living. We intervened and adopted her. We have had many challenges in parenting her. I could write a book with her challenges alone. I think another challenge for adoptive children that is greater than for biological children is the question of identity-Who am

Adoptive children typically don’t look like anyone else in the family – it becomes obvious to them at a young age that  they don’t fit like biological children. My older son had a lot of interest in knowing things about his biological parents. Sometimes information about an adoptive child’s biological parents leaves them feeling disappointed as often the parents have lived a less than praiseworthy life, which was the case in 3 out of my 4 children. With my kids we tried to steer them to God. Their essential identity is found in what God says about them. Point them to Christ. Continue reading

Father’s Day Letter From a Hurting Teen

Father's Day Letter From a Hurting Teen - Anchor Of Promise

 

Keep praying Dads!  Your teen or young adult will one day come back and thank you too for never giving up on them.  This dad knows it.  There is HOPE!  Keep your faith in God as you continue to lift up your child to Him.  And thank you to this Dad for sharing this letter with Anchor Of Promise.  Happy Father’s Day!

Holiday Merry or Holiday Misery?

Holiday Merry or Holiday Misery - Anchor Of Promise

Parents who struggle with a teen in crisis find it extremely overwhelming to get through the holidays.  Although Thanksgiving has passed, another holiday is around the corner – Christmas.

While every other parent around you is singing in holiday cheer, you are thinking about how you can just get through the day.  While your co-worker or friend talks about how excited they are that their child is coming home for a holiday visit, you are thinking more about how to help your child in crisis.  Maybe you are faced with a child who needs to get into a detox program.  Maybe you need to figure out how to get your child to eat that holiday dinner when they struggle with an eating disorder.

And let us not forget those parents who have teens who have suicidal tendencies or mental health issues and are not into celebrating any holiday. Continue reading

When They Just Won’t Listen

When They Just Won't Listen - Anchor Of Promise

One of the biggest frustrations parents have is when their teen/young adult child is unwilling to listen to sound wisdom.  Even more frustrating is when your child is in crisis and thinks that their wisdom is more sound than yours. 

Teens and young adults are wrapped up in their emotions, feelings, and urgency of the circumstances that surround them.  This clouds the consequences of their choices and actions.   Continue reading

I Want My Life Back!

I Want My Life Back - Anchor of Promise

 

As I was decorating for the fall, I was reminded of the countless times in the past I was consumed by the many crises of my teen. Those crises preoccupied my life to the point that finding joy in a new season or celebrating a holiday became non-existent.  

Having a teen or young adult in crisis dominates your life physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually.  You find yourself not living your life anymore but that of your child.  Everything is about them.  Literally!  

I had no time to clean my house.  I had no availability to see friends.  I craved to be alone and couldn’t.  I spent all my time going to a counselor and doctor appts., searching the web or reading for answers to serious issues. I was too tired to think about cooking or to eat a regular meal.  My wash was piled up and dishes constantly left in the sink.  

When I went to work, my mind was consumed even more because I wasn’t home to see what was going on.  When I went to church, I wanted to hide from others so that I wasn’t twenty-questioned about our family. As time went on, it got to a period to which I wanted to run away or worse yet, end my life.  Obviously I didn’t since I am writing this post. Continue reading