When you have a teen in crisis, you are always in fix mode. It comes with the territory when you are especially a parent with the characteristics of compassion and caring.
I would be the first one in line to raise my hand and say I have this problem. I call it a problem instead of a help because let’s get real, it can cause many problems. That compassion can lead to enabling behavior in a way that will be destructive.
How may you ask? Here’s an example. Your teen has had issues with drinking. But you are afraid them drinking at other places or meet up with friends and go crazy on drinking. So, you allow them to drink at home or you give them a drink that is less addictive in your mind such as a glass of wine.
You haven’t encouraged them to not drink. You haven’t encouraged them to take responsibility in a way that will cut dry their alcohol addiction for good. You have not sought counsel for them. Instead, you have reasoned with yourself that you can keep them from getting worse. That my dear friend is enabling. That is not leading them to a road of recovery but to more destructive behavior.
It doesn’t have to be about drinking. It could be about an eating disorder, a drug addiction, a self-harm issue. Whatever their crisis is, it is your crisis too. Continue reading
It’s Father’s Day across this nation and in other places of the world. However, there are many fathers who are not able to celebrate this special day. They struggle to get through Father’s Day because they are thinking about their teen in crisis.
A father might be in the hospital due to his teen’s suicide attempt. A father might be wishing his daughter would find her way back home after running off. Maybe he’s the dad who had all these goals and aspirations for his teen and in one moment he found his hopes dashed. Now his teen is before a judge after his latest drug bust. Continue reading
While being busy at home, I received a phone call. Saying hello several times and not hearing a reply, I listened to see if I could figure out who was calling. To my surprise it was someone that I knew. They had no idea that their cell phone accidentally automated my phone number.
After yelling in the phone to gain their attention, I quickly realized that my voice was too weak to be heard. Without being nosy, the sound of a parent’s voice unveiled their struggling crisis.
The parent was telling a family relative how embarrassing it was to have their teen in a mental hospital because they tried to commit suicide. They used the words “loony bin” and “crazy” to define their teen’s situation. The relative was compassionate, understanding and supportive but couldn’t supply the answers this single parent needed.
It was obvious that this parent was now in a battle against a mountain of emotions and future decision making. Not wanting to infringe on someone’s privacy, I chose to not listen any longer and hung up the phone.
My heart sank and I felt so burdened for this parent. They were grieving in so many ways. It boggled their mind in questions as to why their teen would even think consider suicide when their large family had so much love to give to this teen. Continue reading
I came across this article today written by Ashley Edwardson and was truly disturbed. I felt it was important to pass on because if considered to be a right, all children would be at risk.
Rights for Pedophiles
It’s Father’s Day. For many dads who have teens or young adults in crisis, this is a day they wish would be quickly over. It is a reminder of the pain, the heartache that they have endured with their child. The disappointments, the stress, the sadness, the devastation, and especially the failure that they feel because their daughters or sons are living a life of destruction.
Yes, Father’s Day is very difficult. Today, I think of the father in Charleston who had to call the police on his son who took the lives of nine people praying in a church. I can only imagine the gut wrenching agony he is feeling this day.
I am neither a man nor a father, but I have often seen the sadness and self-blame my husband has carried when our children made some very bad choices in their life. The failure he felt and the regrets he burdened himself with is something no father wants to carry.
However, our Heavenly Father does understand. Continue reading